once upon a time in the late 1900’s
I was born on a rainy Thursday on the last day of February in the late 1900’s. I almost died when I was born, imagine a world without your favorite cherub! I was sOo excited to enter the world I took a breath before I should have. Was I excited or was I regretting my decision to be born, i don’t know. Meconium Aspiration Syndrome, breathing baby shit almost took me out!! I am sure this was an omen of some sort, I haven’t figured out what it means but there is a picture of baby dlo in an incubator somewhere in my moms house.
I am excited to turn 33, society makes us feel bad about aging but I find it a blessing. Our only guaranteed experiences are birth and death. I am grateful to have lived to be 33 years!
The Japanese tabi is traditional split-toe leather shoe from the Heian period (794–1185 CE). Margiela currently sells different variations of Tabis, I LOVE these shoes. Everyone teases me about them because they look silly, but its called fashion babes, look it up! What I love most about shoes is that they always fit. I lost hella weight in the spring, haters rejoice, I gained them back in the winter.. with interest. My clothes may not fit, but my beloved shoes always fit.
My Tabis
Change was a major theme during the 32nd year of my life. My habitat changed, my friends changed, my hairstyle and my body changed. I coped with how terrible I felt during my Great Sadness with some healthy and unhealthy habits.
I grandma maxxed, basically doing anything old people would do; sit at the park, read books in the sunshine, fed birds, midday naps. A renaissance lord would be envious of the copious amounts of wine I consumed. I traveled, I shopped, I ate. I spent money like my apple pay was connected to Mark Zuckenburger’s bank account. It was extremely irresponsible and stupid but the dopamine I felt when I bought something I’ve been wanting was worth it. People say money doesn’t bring you happiness, but people have never seen me spend money. Money and things don’t make you happy, but it sure makes you hella comfortable.
My massage therapist was my angel, I saw him weekly for a couple of months. The first time I met him he told me he could feel that I was carrying some sadness. At the end of massage before he walked me out, he gave me a rose quartz bracelet and gave me the biggest hug, and dearest reader, I couldn’t stop the tears. I just needed a hug so badly and he knew that. He hugged me as I cried my eyes out and talked to me for a while after. He connected me with other coaches and healers, he invited me to a breath work workshop, he did whatever he thought would help me in my transition. One week he told me he prays for me— to me, taking time out of your conversation with your God to ask for my wellbeing is one of the purest forms of love. I don’t know if this man will ever know how much he helped and how grateful I am to have met him. I keep the bracelet he gave me in a safe spot and say a little prayer for him whenever I see it.
There were many little joys I experienced. I became an affogato aficionado, I am a regular at my oyster and wine spots. The first time I went to my nail salon, I spent 5 hours there. The technician who saw me was new at doing nails. I came in for a pedicure but I didn’t want to leave so I asked if she could give me nail extension. Yes, I was there for FIVE HOURS, but the tech who attended me was from the Dominican Republic, she spoke Spanish. We yapped the whole time, my nails came out fucked up but it didn’t matter. I was so down and speaking to someone who spoke Spanish and was so warm, for a minute I felt like I was with friends. I felt so taken care of, for a moment I forgot about how bad I felt, I gave her a 20 euro tip. She gave me a big ol’ hug when I left, I tried my hardest not to cry. I didn’t get to see her again, she moved to Barcelona a couple weeks after.
I still go to the same nail salon, every 3 weeks without fail, I show up to my nail appointment. I look forward to ringing the buzzer and stomping up three flights of stairs to see my girls. On my loneliest days, I would enjoy being surrounded by other women and feel included in a micro community. They all know my name and I know all theirs, they are kind and they are happy to see me when I come in, I love them.
I wish I had a crystal ball that would give me a preview of the next episode of my life like a TV show. You turn on the news and see how many horrors and tragedies are happening around the world but this year, I learned first hand how generous, kind and compassionate people can be. I don’t know what 33 has in store for me but I hope it is filled with many unexpected surprises, successes and more acts of kindness.
