things I imagined
I love Solange, I love her song Things I Imagined. It feels silly to say out loud or to type out loud (lol) but I have had many prophetic dreams and daydreams. I can’t decide if it’s because I am visualizing the future I desire or because it's some sort of hint from my future self. Regardless of the nature of the dreams and visions, I have seen and lived things I imagined. I’ve dreamt of people before meeting them, saw places I would visit, seen versions or myself I have yet to embody. I dont know what it is but sometimes, I be knowing.
Maybe my dreams are warnings or maybe they’re dreams of things I desire. I have had many dreams manifest but it doesnt make the experience any less strange than it has before. I dreamt of Portugal before knowing anything about this place or stepping foot in this country, I dreamt of the guy I dated before I met him, I dreamt of my apartment and the neighborhood I currently live in. It's a fascinating phenomenon, I wish I kept better track of these dreams and visions so I could cross check them. Being able to sometimes forsee what will happen feels like a little nod from God or whoever it is that is orchestrating my life. At times it feels like confirmation that I am where I am supposed to be.
Since I have been going through a time where I was just surviving and making it through each day, I haven't had many dreams or visions. I haven't been able to see a life outside a life of not being depressed. Words cannot describe how good it feels to finally be coming out of it and being able to finally see better days ahead. Now that I am feeling more alive I am finally coming back home to myself and I have been trying to visualize what life will look for me next. I have always had a love for writing, mostly in journals and the topics mostly being reflections of my days and whatever incessant thought occupied my mind during that time.
The exciting thing about starting over is that you can literally do anything you want. People get too caught up in timelines and doing things by a certain age. I don't see the point in putting more pressure on yourself. I don't believe that is how life works, I believe that regardless of what road you decide to take, the destination is always the same. You get to choose whether you lean into: ease or fear. Thats why I feel like my prophetic dreams are hints from some future version of myself.
Sharing my most intimate moments, deepest fears and insane thoughts on a public platform wasn't quite what I had in mind when I thought I would be sharing my writing. But I am writing the subject I know most about — myself. My current incessant thought is wondering what my life will look like in the next three months, the next year, who will be in it and where I’ll be. It’s scary, I am scared, there is so much insecurity and possibility.
