doloresnese

I’ve been chasing a life of ease, leaning into the path of least resistance. I haven’t really taken the chance on doing something I wanted because I was distracted with making things happen then because I was too tired and got comfy.. But I can do hard things!!! Starting over and creating your life may feel like swan diving into the abyss — the exciting and terrifying kind. Creating your own blueprint for your own life when you have never seen it modeled will have hits and misses. But one day I will get there.

I have trouble sharing my life’s dream. You have this big dream you want to make happen, but the path from here to the dream is foggy and riddled with side quests and villains. The path to this dream isn't linear, it’s more like a spiral, the side quests are short cuts from one level of the spiral to the next. I am creating my blueprint and I am sharing mine as I make it. I don't know what I am doing and the unknown paralyzes me.

I keep my dream tucked away like a pearl in an oyster in the dlo dream department. Sharing it only to those who have proven themselves worthy. Maybe I hide my dream because I fear being judged or maybe because I fear being successful.. Maybe I dont share it because I have trouble finding the right words to describe this nebulous goal. Maybe I fear sharing because the topic I have decided to help get me there, are these stories about my life.

I admire people who can compartmentalize their big emotions, the ones who can package up their hurts and put them away like a book on a shelf and pull them out when they’re needed. I am not like that. The consequence of having a big heart is experiencing emotions at great depths. Sometimes it’s good because the good times are really enjoyable but to balance it out, the bad times have to be as low as the Mariana Trench — hella deep. I’ve read that many artists and creatives experience emotions deeply, it sounds dramatic but what do you expect. The most beautiful things are a results of good and bad, love and pain.

I write the way I speak in dolores-nese. its similar to how a leprechaun speaks — in riddles, metaphors, and similes. Not that I have ever met a leprechaun but that’s how I imagine they speak. Being yourself is a cornerstone of the new blueprint I am making. I hope my essays are fun to read, remind you to be yourself and hopefully they make sense.