paris, tokyo

I have been naming my blog posts after random songs I had stuck in my head. Today, I had Paris, Tokyo by Lupe Fiasco stuck in my head. I remember blasting this song when it first came out, I was 16 years old and I had just got my first car— I was BIG MONEY no one could tell me anything. I had a playlist on my iPod with music I downloaded from Limewire. I think I still have this playlist, I burned it on a CD, I think it’s somewhere in my parents house. I feel like a relic typing those two last sentences but I digress.

I remember hearing Paris, Tokyo amazed that people could travel so much and that someone would love you enough to take you to see the world; it became a dream. I remember wishing I was older and richer so I could see the world with my boo. Waking up in one country, falling asleep in a different country, all cupcaked up was my dream.

I don’t think I knew anyone growing up who would vacation abroad, everyone went to Mexico or stayed in the US. 16 year old me would be mind blown that I do things like spend weekends in London, go to spas in Granada, spend summers in the South of France. It may not be with a boo but I still do it.

me + the statue of David

I was in Rome waiting for a table at a restaurant. While waiting I had a conversation with a dad about life. After exchanging some travel stories, he asked me what celebrity I admired and why; I don’t admire celebrities but I went with it. I said Anthony Bourdain because I admired the way he was curious about the human condition, could seemingly connect with anyone anywhere and chat about anything. I said I hope I could do what he did someday. This dad looked at me kinda surprised and was like “my dear, thats what you’re doing, you’re doing it right now”. I was overwhelmed with the realization that I was living my teenage dream. Realizing that this was my reality was an “oh shit” moment.

I have been journaling on and off since 2016, I recently started revisiting my old thoughts. Rereading my old journals made me realize how many of the things I wanted I now have. At that time, I thought these goals were out of reach, they were pie in the sky level goals. I am not usually a person who celebrates themselves but I am so proud of myself for pursuing my dreams. I am proud of myself for being brave enough to travel alone to countries where I don’t speak the language and look different than the locals. I am proud of myself for having these goals with no idea of how i’m going to reach them but accomplishing them. I am proud of myself for moving abroad.. like I really made this happen, alone. I can do expert level hard things, I may be scared and cry the whole time but I still do them. I feel lucky to be living a life I once dreamed about.